


this is our darkest days

by KimDenn



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Canonical Character Death, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Mention of Alternate Realities, No Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Not trailer compliant because i wrote it before that. except the last part, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, Written before avengers: end game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 21:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18507106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KimDenn/pseuds/KimDenn
Summary: Steve. Steve. Steve. Always Steve. Never without Steve. But it was always with him. Always with Tony. Always Steve and Tony. Together. Despite of pain and suffering, of love and happiness. It was always them. Always together. Always in love.-Or in which everything somehow went darker and worse. And amidst all, strange dream seemed to manifest in Tony's sleep. (It was of smiles and laughter. Something he and Steve doesn't have anymore.)





	this is our darkest days

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta-ed because I know no one who will. 
> 
> So this is not Avengers: End Game Trailers not the movie compliant because I wrote this before the trailers came out.

Tony Stark was born with sorrow in his veins and pain in his bones. Happiness nothing but a blimp in his life. It was there, then it was gone. Ripped away cruelly by the fates and the gods and whatever it is that controls the universe. (He tried not to think of dust and ash. Of choking and heaving and crying and sobbing. And oh god why him? Why his son-why his Pet-)

He hoped, always always hoped for happiness. Always dreamt of waking up with contentment at the tip of his tongue and love at his fingertips. He always dreamt of having kisses and protection, of ‘iloveyoutony’ and warmth. That was of course, until he woke up. Reality chasing away the dreams and cold nipping at his body, reminding him of what he will never have.

He blamed his Dad for it, he blamed Obadiah Stane, he blamed the Afghans, he blamed Loki, Wanda and Ultron and Thanos and Steve. Oh god, oh how he blamed Steve. (Because he trusted Steve, he hoped and he loved and he dreamt. But well, it’s not betrayal unless it comes from those you love the most.) But what he blames the most is himself. And fuck. He hates himself. Hates himself so somuch. More than Dad, more than Stane, more than the Afghans and Loki and Wanda, Ultron and Thanos. More than Steve (but he also loves him. Loves so much so much. But it hurts also. So much.)

The faint clang of glass being placed in the coffee table snapped him out of his head. Automatically, a smile lit up on his face. It was fake. Fake and ugly. But it was all he can conjure. The ingrained habits of putting up a façade the only thing that keeps him functioning. (Because Tony was breaking and he can barely hold on.)

“Wong.” He greeted the man, nodding his head slightly. The Mystic Arts practitioner nodded back at him, eyes crinkled with stress and barely hid pain.

“Mr. Stark. I assume you have questions.”

“Tony, please.” The billionaire replied. Wong nodded and smiled, a little bit frayed at the end.

“Yes of course.”

“Wong, did Strange left you anything? When we were in Ti-“ Tony paused. His heart hammering, his breath coming up short and he could remember ash and dust and choking and pain and- nothing. Tony cleared his head. No he felt nothing, he convinced himself. Tony cleared his throat, chucking the thoughts away and continued as if he was not blinking back tears.

“When we were in Titan. Strange said that there was only one multiverse where we won. I wanted to know if you can do… something to help me know.” Wong frowned and gave a sigh. Something that sounded like _Strange giving me headaches even when he’s gone_ left his mouth.

“I’m afraid I can’t help you with that. The ability to see the multiverse comes with the Time Stone and seeing as its-taken, we cannot take a glimpse on what universe he’s talking about.”

Tony bit back the sigh and the disappointment, expecting the answer. “I see, thank you Wong.”

“I’m sorry I cannot help further.” Tony only nodded and gave Wong a smile that he hoped was not as fray as he felt.

“Uh wait. Before you go, let me remind you to be careful. With- with what happened, certain boundaries in the world right now has been out of sync. Even the astral plane. I and those who are left has been working on it and we would appreciate it greatly if you inform us when you experience anything… abnormal.”

Tony resisted the urge to laugh hysterically and nodded, before taking the suit and leaving. Abnormal. How funny. (And he thought of dust and ash and he’s falling and falling and falling.)

He schooled his expression and wiped his head empty. The practice of ignoring and locking everything up was easy enough, it was after all one of the lesson the world taught him first.

 

~.~

 

Tony landed on the Avengers’ facility upstate, armor receding into the arc reactor on his chest. After he landed, he was already zipping up the leather jacket he was donning, hiding the arc reactor. Hiding his weakness, but there was no need really. He doesn’t need the arc reactor to live after all and he doesn’t have a shrapnel slowly inching to his heart. And besides, he made sure to make it stronger and tougher, enough that even vibranium ~~shield~~ won’t go through it.

The billionaire took one look at the facility and he could already feel the barrage of memories. He could remember “I miss you’s” and farms and settling down, of Accords and fights and itsallmyfaultallmyfaultall-

Tony inhaled sharply and took a step forward. No use reminiscing about the past.

But that does not mean that he relished entering the facility. Really, Tony’s starting to wonder if he was a masochist. (He’s not. But he can’t go back to the tower or the mansion because then he’ll be alone and he’ll start thinking of dust and ash and of redheads and drivers that are nowhere to be found)

When he entered, he saw blond hair and blue eyes.

He didn’t stop.

His gait was normal, he didn’t hurry as he entered the elevator. He pretended he didn’t hear though. Pretended that he didn’t hear the soft call of “Tony” uttered by the blond man.

He pressed the buttons harder than necessary.

 

~.~

 

The moment he entered his lab in the facility, he could already feel exhaustion biting at his bones.

He sat down heavily on the sofa and leant back, hands draping over his eyes as he closed his eyes. He was tired. So tired and he wanted to sleep.

He can’t.

He arrived at Earth a week before. The journey towards the planet took a month and a half. He can’t really remember how he got here. All he had was faint memories of taking a space ship with a cassette player, he could remember a blue untiring alien android steadying him and forcing him to eat, saying that he would save them. He laughed when she said that. Or maybe he cried. He can’t really tell.

But all he knew is that he was tired. And it didn’t really change when he arrived.

He was welcomed by Rhodey, eyes teary as they lower their weapons and welcomed Tony and the not really friendly Android. He could remember soft admonishments of idiot and stupid-geniuses and warm hugs from a friend.

He could also remember blue eyes and blond hair, looking at him with sadness as deep as the ocean. He ignored him.

After that he ate, he was malnourished and dehydrated, his wounds was tended to. Or what was not yet healed. And he slept. Slept for two days straight. Rhodey thought he died. Tony wished he did.

But he didn’t.

He didn’t really plan on doing anything. He was too tired, too worn out. He ached and it hurt and god. He just wanted to stop existing. But last night, he dreamt. He dreamt of brown eyes looking at him with desperation, tears in those eyes as they begged to not go to not please Mr. Stark-

Tony jolted. He had to save him. He had to save Peter. He had to. He had to. _Hehadtohehadto oh god he’s so sorry. Sososorry because it was his fault. Hisfaultgodhewantstodie. Please someone just kill him-_

“Tony calm down. Breathe.” Warm hands encased his and he could feel the hand guiding it into the others chest. He looked up and saw ocean and sky and sun, weathered by pain but it was captivating and soon he was following the breathing of the sun and the sky.

Tony closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. When he opened it, he saw Steve.

Involuntarily he jolted back, arc reactor already thrumming as the nanobots spread over his chest and his stomach and his arms and soon he was covered with the Iron Man armor, a meter or maybe it was three, away from Steve.

His hand was raised, repulsor already whining as it powered up.

And Steve. Steve looked like he was going cry. He looked shocked, wide-eyed and surprised. His hand was shaking slightly as it clenched at the sweatpants that he was wearing.

“I-Tony, I was only trying to, I mean FRIDAY said that you need help so-I wasn’t trying to-“

“Leave.” Iron Man’s voice was mechanical, it was cold and unfeeling. Completely opposite of what Tony was feeling right now.

“Tony I’m so sor-“

“I said leave!” Maybe his reaction was an overreaction. Maybe the others would judge him when they found out how he treated Steve but well, the others did not experience Steve betraying him. The others did not experience someone you trust choosing someone else over you. They did not experience the people they love, scraping your heart out as they jammed open your suit and reached for the device that kept you ali-

So yes, Tony think that he can be excused when he yelled at Steve and made him leave.

But as Tony watched the soldier leave, he can feel guilt churning at his stomach as the sense of loss lingered even when the sun left.

 

~.~

 

_“Tony honey, if you drink one more cup of coffee I swear I’m going to sic Pepper on you.”_

_Tony grinned, unbidden, at the other side of the counter, raising the mug threateningly on his lips. It was weird, he was on his body yet he can’t control it. Feeling emotions and thoughts that was not his. It was like he was removed, watching it in third person instead of actually living it. It was Tony, but not him._

_The blond man glared at the brunette, his eyebrow twitching in annoyance._

_“I swear if I got to you I’m going to tie you down and leave you there all night.”_

_The engineer giggled at this, taking an extra long sip in the mug and sighing exaggeratedly._

_“Ah so good!”_

_“Tony I swear!”_

_“Ah, so kinky Steve. If you wanna tie me down all you have to is ask.” He said despite being the one who’s doing the tying up and giving Steve an overdone wink. Steve only rolled his eyes but it’s obvious that he can’t quite help the amused and fond quirk on his lips._

_“Or we can stop all the fun times in the bedroom for a week if you don’t let me go right now Tony.” The brunette gaped at the blond, already dropping the mug in the counter and ordering the hollow suit that was holding down Steve to let go._

_Steve only laughed in response. Warm and bright. His husband grinned at the pouting mechanic in his arms, encircling him as he kissed the taste of the coffee away._

_Tony_ \- opened his eyes and found out that he was no longer in the kitchen. He was in his lab. It was cold and sterile, completely unlike the warm atmosphere in the kitchen.

“Fuck.” He exclaimed shakily as he curled into a ball, his palms pressing into his eyes.

“Fuck!” He could still feel his lips tingling, could feel the echoes of Steve’s laughs.

 

~.~

 

  
“Tony we have to arrange a meeting.”

The said engineer didn’t even bother to look at Rhodey as he dabbled with the holograms in front of him. He was muttering things, too fast and too soft for the soldier to catch.

Rhodey sighed at this and opened his mouth. “Tony.”

“I know honeybear, I heard you the first time.”

“Then why didn’t you acknowledge me.” Tony remained quiet still not looking at his best friend. Rhodey let the silence take the room for a couple of seconds before he walked towards the unclean engineer and stepping in front of him, the hologram passing through some part of his body.

“Because I didn’t want to go.”

“But Tony you have to-

“I didn’t want to go.” Rhodey left soon after Tony just turned around and made the hologram fly in front of him (But really, that was not the reason. He left because Tony made him leave, because Tony was breaking and he can’t have Rhodey there to witness him)

 

~.~

 

_“C’mon Tony hurry up!” Steve whisper-yelled as he hid behind the hallway. Tony tried to muffle his giggle as he run after his boyfriend. When Tony finally arrived he grabbed the brunette’s hand and pulled him inside the broom closet that he found._

_“Shh.” Steve said bringing up a finger and pressing it in his lips while his other palm pressed into Tony’s mouth._

_Tony nodded, eyes sparkling with mischievousness. They went silent for a few second, watching the light passing through the crack of the closet at the bottom, footsteps echoing away as a servant passed through the door._

_They waited for a few moments before Steve sighed and shifted his hold on Tony, making his hand cradle his cheeks instead. Tony sighed and closed his eyes leaning on Steve as Steve leaned forward to give Tony a soft lingering kiss on the forehead._

_“Thank you for coming here Steve.” He whispered as he looked up at Steve, eyes thankful and soft._

_“Well, someone’s gotta save you from your evil father right?” Steve’s grin was charming as he pulled the other teen closer through his waist and left a breathtaking kiss on the shorter boy’s lips._

_Tony was breathless as they pulled back. He pretended to swoon and muttered, “My knight in shining armor.”_

_Steve laughed softly, shaking his head at the ridiculousness. “Let’s go, we haven’t escaped the dungeon yet, Princess.” He teased, holding back his cackle as Tony tried to pinch him in the side._

_“Steve come here you little shi-“_

“What the fuck was that.” Tony said as he was awoken by his phone ringing. That, was definitely not a memory. (Nor the first dream was, because there was gold band in their fingers and mention of husbands that made Tony soft in the inside.)

But before he can think more of the dream and the warmth it gave him, reality splashed him with cold water when he opened his eyes and saw a blonde woman in the table. He soon realized that he fell asleep in the kitchen and that Natasha was staring at him.

He didn’t bother to say anything as he left, her betrayal and accusations still fresh in his mind.

 

~.~

 

Maybe Tony was doing this all wrong. He had to defeat Thanos. He had to bring back Peter. Because there should be a way to do it. (And if there’s not, there will be a way. Tony will make sure of it.)

But the things is, he can’t do it alone.

It has been two week since he returned, a month since Thanos destroyed half the universe. And they still haven’t done anything. That was understandable, loss and death were horrible things. It encased the world right now. Leaving it lifeless and weak.

But they had to get back up. Because if they didn’t, who will do it?

But as Tony opened his mouth to make FRIDAY summon Steve, he can’t help but think of shield being brought down on arc reactor, of coldness in a bunker, of being left alone as the man he loved chose someone else.

No words left his mouth that day.

And then he dreamt.

 

~.~

 

_Tony-not Tony but he can feel his thoughts and his emotions, sees dark skies and cliffs and huge boulders and pillars of stone. He can also feel desperation and fear and so so much pain and loss. And the Red Skull. The evil that Steve supposed defeated was standing beside them, cloak billowing his eyes eerily trained at him and Steve as they stood over the cliff._

_“What’s this?” Tony asked instead, trying not to think of nuances of wasted sacrifice and of Steve’s pain painted in his eyes as he stared at the foe he once thought that he defeated._

_“The price.” Red Skull said, his voice gravely as he explained to the two humans who have fought and fought to save. Only to arrive here. If Red Skull can still feel pity, he might’ve. “Soul holds a special place among the Infinity Stones. You might say that it has a certain wisdom. And it demands a sacrifice.”_

_Tony felt something cold drop in his stomach. No. Please god no. “Of what?” Steve asked, face blank as he stared at the Red Skull._

_“In order to take the stone, you must lose that what you love. A soul… for a soul.”_

_Silence echoed loudly. Even the wind seemed to lose its voice once what the Red Skull said has sunk in._

_“Tony.” Tony shook his head pushed Steve’s hand away from him._

_“No Steve. No.” His voice was shaking as he turned away. Because no. He will not lose Steve. Everything but Steve. God he already lost everything, isn’t that enough sacrifice. God, if he lost Steve… he won’t do this anymore. He can’t do this anymore._

_“No Steve. If I-“ Tony’s voice broke as he tried to push back the tears that was hell bent on escaping. “If I lost you. I don’t think I-“_

_“Tony. I love you. Do you love me?” Tony took a step back and shook his head._

_“No I don’t.” He lied. Everything to stop Steve. He will do anything to not lose Steve. “I don’t love you. You hurt me Steve. You left me. You lied to me. That day in Siberia, you chose him over me Steve. I can’t… I don’t love you. Not anymore. Your sacrifice will be in vain. Me losing you is not a sacrifice Steve. It is favor because I don’t love you. I- I don’t- I don’t-“ And Tony lost it. Because he was lying. God he loves Steve so so much. The world be damned. He can’t lose Steve. Not here, not now, not ever. It was selfish. So fucking selfish. But can’t he take something now after everything that’s been taken from him? Does he not deserve to have something after he lost everything?_

_“Tony shhh. It’s okay. It’s okay.” Tony wanted to shout. Because it’s not okay! Can’t Steve see that?! It’s not okay. But no words left his lips._

_Steve cradled his face softly, tilting it upwards so Tony can look at the blue eyes that showed so much pain and loss and love. As Tony sobbed in Steve’s arms, Steve gently wiped the tears away with his thumb, kissing his forehead with softness that if possible, made Tony cry more._

_“I love you Tony. So so much.” Tony shook his head and held on to Steve tightly. Because he can’t lose him. God he can’t._

_“Then let me do it. If-if you love me then my sacrifice would be enough to bring the stone. I’ll do it Steve. Didn’t you hear me? I don’t love you! It won’t- It won’t work.” But Steve smiled and kissed him again, just as chaste and just as soft on his lips._

_“You always get back up Tony. You’re strong and tough and I’m not. I- I can’t, I don’t do well with loss Tony. If I..” Steve paused and closed his eyes to breathe. As if he can’t bear to lose Tony. And wouldn’t that be a wonderful thought in any other circumstances? “If I lost you, I don’t think I can live Tony. I don’t think I can still be whole after this.”_

_“And you think I can? You think I can live after this? Fight after this? Steve I love y-“ Tony paused and his eyes widened when Steve smiled wider. No. no nonononono._

_“I lied. No I don’t love you. Don’t go, Don’t go please.” Tony’s knuckles whitened as he grasped at Steve. He won’t let go. No. He won’t._

_“I love you Tony. I’m so sorry. I- I always loved you Tony. I never stopped loving you. I’m so sorry.” Then Steve pushed him back. And Steve was gone._

_Fuck no! Steve-_ Tony opened his eyes with a scream on the back of his throat and tears on his eyes. He was sobbing outright and god. It hurt. It hurt so much.

  
~.~

 

When he saw Steve that morning, he thought of cliffs and I love you’s and sacrifices, he never left the room so fast in his life before.

 

~.~

 

Tony never attempted to sleep outright after that. Whenever he feels his eyes was drooping, he chugs coffee.

Rhodey was worried. Well, more worried than usual and he took to making sure that Tony was taking care of himself by visiting his lab every day. Their other ‘visitors’ however, was getting restless.

The raccoon and the android that was from outer space looks like they were done brooding from the lost. Good for them. But what was not good for them was them bombarding Tony with questions on when he will act. Even Thor was looking more lively by the days and was joining the hinting and the questioning (god Thor looked destroyed, wrecked and broken when Tony saw him. He looked like he lost everything (he did.)).

And with each question, it became more obvious that he has to talk with the Avengers. God, he hates being a super hero. Maybe it would’ve been better when he died in that dingy cave back then.

He voiced this thought out loud one day to Rhodey, the pain in his friend’s eyes was unmistakable. Tony shrugged it out and faced his machines, pretending that he didn’t see anything from Rhodey.

 

~.~

 

The dreams didn’t stop.

 

_~.~_

 

  
_There was blood. So so much blood. It was spilling on the floor, seeping on his expensive dress shirt and it was all over Steve. God it was all over Steve. Steve was bleeding on the floor, eyes half-mast as he smiled at Tony._

_And Tony- not Tony, but he looks like Tony, cried and begged to Oh God please Steve don’t leave me I love you, I’m so sorry please don’t leave me._

_Then Steve died._

 

_~.~_

 

_Tony was smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. His heart pounding loudly as he grasped Steve’s hands, the echoes of “I do” made something in his heart warm he-_

 

_~.~_

 

_Blue eyes shone brilliantly as a laugh left Steve gasping, he grasped on his stomach as he pulled Tony close to him, giving him a kiss that was all teeth because he was smiling so much-_

 

_~.~_

 

_Warm hands pulled him closer as strong arms enveloped him. He returned the embrace and kissed the blond man that he loves so much-_

 

~.~

 

“I should call Wong.” Tony didn’t.

 

_~.~_

 

_Laughter echoed in the air as their son tried to run away from their tickling grasp. Steve called out the name “Peter” with such warm tone that Tony felt-_

 

~.~

 

_Flashes of blue and red and blond-_

 

_~.~_

 

_Smiles and laughters and love-_

 

_~.~_

 

_Steve. Steve. Steve. Always Steve. Never without Steve. But it was always with him. Always with Tony. Always Steve and Tony. Together. Despite of pain and suffering, of love and happiness. It was always them. Always together. Always in love._

 

~.~

 

Tony opened his eyes, something warm still on his chest. A week has passed and he has done nothing. He knew in the back of his mind that he should call Wong, should tell him that something must be wrong. Because all of these images are not his (and how he hated it. Because he wanted that happiness and those smiles. He can’t help but envy those Tony in his dreams, because why do they get to be happy when-)

But he didn’t. Because telling him is cementing the fact that those images are not real. That those dreams are from an alternate reality or whatever and he can’t have that. At least like this, he can pretend that those were memories. That it was him who smiles and laughs and loves in those dreams.

(And even if there was death and pain ans tears in those dreams, at least Steve chose him. At least Steve loved him.)

God he’s fucked up.

 

~.~

 

Then she came. And more or less knocked some sense onto them. He was glad it didn’t happen literally.

 

~.~

 

“Boss.”

Tony looked up from whatever it is that he was pretending to read and looked up on the ceiling in order to acknowledge FRIDAY (he tried not to think of how he acquired that annoying habit. Spoiler: from Steve).

“The rest of the Avengers would like to see. It seems like the communicator that they though was from Director Fury, currently stopped giving off signals. They would like to consult you before taking actions.”

The engineer closed his eyes in pain and exasperation. He doesn’t really want to go down and talk to them but he knew that not going after he was asked would make him reach a whole new level of pettiness. So down he go.

When he arrived at the lab, he resolutely ignored everyone. He made sure to not meet everyone’s eyes and ignore everyone’s greetings. He walked towards the glass encased beeper and frowned.

It was plugged in so there was no way that its battery ran out, so why is it-

“Where’s Nick?”

Everyone turned sharply, bodies tense as they reacted lethally to the unknown voice that echoed in the lab. And there was a blonde woman. Wearing a what looked like a body suit that came from a sci-fi movie, the red and blue reminding her of a certain Captain. She was posed to attack, her hands glowing in a way that Tony knew would blow some shit up.

Fuck.

Before the woman or the Avengers decided to start a war with an unknown person (she looked like a person anyway), Tony stepped up and finally talked in front of the others for the first time.

“Are you an acquaintance of Nick Fury?” The woman looked up at them, still sizing them up before relaxing in a way that for some reason shouted military. Her posture was relaxed but solid, she was confident in a way that she knew she was strong and could defeat all of them in a minute, tops. And with the glowy hands, Tony doesn’t want to risk it.

“Are you?” She asked back, face blank as she regarded all of them carefully. On the corner of his eyes, he can see Thor’s hands twitching. That normally meant that he was calling for his weapon.

Shit.

“Yes. Nicholas Fury was the director of SHIELD and we are the Avengers, an Initiative created by the Director in order to defend the Earth from… external forces.”

“Avengers?” The woman paused before laughing and shaking her head, and now looked less likely to blow them all up. “Nick that idiot.” She murmured fondly.

 

~.~

 

After explanations was made, Captain Marvel, or Carol as she told them, stood up from her seat walking towards the door before pausing and looking back at them irritably.

“Well what are you waiting for?” She asked, voice brooking for an explanation.

“The question is, where are you going Captain?” Rocket, the raccoon he found out, asked.

“Saving the world.” She said rolling her eyes as if it wasn’t obvious. As if it was something that they don’t have to think about. As if they were idiots for not immediately coming to the conclusion that they should stand up and fight.

But no one stood up, maybe from shock, maybe from the memory of loss and dust and pain and-

But Carol, no, Captain Marvel was staring at them resolutely, unmoving and steady. “Aren’t you all heroes?”

Tony stopped and stared at her. Right heroes. God. They were heroes. How can he forget that?

Tony found comfort in her stance. She was just so sure and unflappable, she looked strong and as if no one could defeat her. And god, they could use a little strength and a little sureness because if they weren’t a little shaken.

Before he knew it he finds himself standing up, knees a little shaky and mind a whole lot of mess. Because they were heroes. How did he forget that?

“Not yet Captain. First we have to get ready. Then we fight.” Tony paused and he doesn’t want to do this He wanted to sulk and wallow in self pity and forget and dream up all of those dreams. But they were heroes.

But he can’t do this alone. So he paused, forced himself to stand tall and look back.

“Together. We fight together.” He said and looked at Steve, at the Avengers. It was not forgiveness. God he’s not sure if he can ever forgive them. But they have a planet to save, a villain to vanquish and half of the population to revive. They were broken and hurt and barely holding on to the seams but Captain Marvel was right.

So he looked at them. Because he can’t do this alone. He needs them to win this.

“Yes.” His eyes found Steve, as Captain America stoof up, back straight and face screaminf 'i can do this all day.’ “We’ll do this together. Whatever it takes.”

Yes. Because they’re heroes.

 

~.~

 

(Before they go, before they don their suits, Tony finds Steve and Steve finds Tony. They stare at each other, eyes cataloguing the pain and sadness that the other hasn’t manage to hide. And there was so many. So many pain and love and hurt and god Tony just wanted- he wanted. God how he wanted. But now’s not the time.

But they can’t go like this. They can’t fight likes this and they know it. So Tony opens his mouth and asks;

“Do you trust me?” It was a question packed with so much emotion and feelings and hurt. Because Tony needs to know. Needs to know if Steve will have his back when the time comes, if Steve will listen to him when he fires a call. He tried not to think of how all of this happened in the first place because Steve lied. Steve didn’t trust him and kept things from him and so everything went down. So Tony has to know.

Steve closed his eyes. Regret. It was a sharp bitter taste. And even though Tony tried not to think about it, he still did. And Steve saw that. Steve knew that. So he opened his mouth. What left it was a promise, an apology, maybe a declaration of love. Both of them don’t know. But Tony finds himself reaching out and Steve found him. They both grasped at each other, the grab to desperate and needy for touch for it to be a handshake.

“I do.” The words echoed in the room.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, how is it?? Obviously there are some differences because this was written before the trailer except the last part which feautures The Handshake (yes that deserves the uppercase).
> 
> So this fic was more of a what if scenario. Like what if they took the loss harder, what if the break between Steve and Tony hurt so much that they can't reconcile. What if they were more human? More selfish? More unforgiving? More hurt?
> 
> So yeah, those questions are this fic. (Or in short I didn't watch the trailers yet and wrote this mess. I also almost forgot to put Carol which is th worst, i hate me) 
> 
> (This was posted on my phone so sorry for mistakes, we're in our province and there is no computer)
> 
> Also I'm excited for the end game!!jsjskebsiksw
> 
> Omg i cant waitttttttttttt
> 
> Btw, hope you like it!! Please leave kudos and comment on ur way out. Constructive Criticisms are most welcome.


End file.
